Just Like That

Trudging along the fine line

Between Genius & Insanity

The scientist searches the realms unexplored,

when all have left his side,

Between Valour & Fear

The Soldier continues with his duty,

when he knows his family will have to fend for themselves, with no one to protect them,

Between Principles & Convenience

The teenager making a decision that agrees him/her, when his peers mock him

Between Love & hate

The hurt decides to forgive and puts every bit of the energy of the soul, to forget

When the past haunts him each moment

Between self-love and narcissism

The shattered soul decides to take stand,look at self in the mirror and smile and

Say I am worth more :)

Miracles happen, when we believe,

The difference is what we pin our faith in...

Just celebrating this moment ...I am in Love with Love :)

LOVE

Strange as it may seem…there is something in me that tells me… “You are not quite there yet!” …and I see myself, bow down…accepting it whole heartedly , that yes, I am not there yet…and have a long way to go…It is love that I speak of…Love for everyone around…every time I find myself frown…the alarm bell rings…and there I know…ok…once again I have failed…I wonder what keep us from, doubting the power of true love…why do we doubt ourselves, the people in our lives, the people we know…and also the people who simply exist around us…Love I know for sure will give rise to mutual respect, faith and strong sense of responsibility…then what keeps us from receiving so much in lieu of simple, tender, innocent, unbiased love….

It reminds me of this little line from a Tagore’s hymn I sang as a school girl “Into the heaven of freedom my father ”…I would say let my soul awake…not being good…and hatred drains off immense energy..I wonder if others also feel the same…do let me know!!...hating and being angry makes me feel very tired and sad…forgiving feels a lot easier on my soul…ok, not on my ego and mind…but once I allow my soul to take over…my ego , mind, logic simply want to leave me alone…but would that mean, others were going to take me for a ride…NO!! Because for when my soul has taken LOVE as its shield…there is no hurt, intention, aim, revenge, vengeance, anger .

I truly want to explore all that this crazy thing called LOVE has to teach me… :) …please share anything you have to say :)

Tongue-in-cheek

Marriage

I am married :) Wow…(read: phew…finally)

[this was for my harried relatives, for whom my marriage was the whole and sole reason to live…eerrr I see my cousin is the next…God help her :I ]

HELL!! I am married (read: Maa I miss u big time L )

[This is for Maa n Paa, whom I cant help but miss… ]

Oopsy I am married (grin grin…read: too bad it’s too late :P )

[ For all the late lateefs ]

Jeesss I AM MARRIED now (read: I HAVE GROWN UP PEOPLE)

[for people used to spoon feeding me]

Yeah I ‘AM’ ‘MARRIED’ (read: nope I am not living-in, thank you)

[for all my inquisitive neighbors and passers-by]

I AM MARRIED..grrr (read: care to leave us alone)

[for the ever (over) loving and concerned]

Ok…ok…I know I am married ( read: Is that an excuse to shove that extra responsibility people, hmm)

[ For the lazy bums]

Ahem, WE ARE MARRIED!! ( read: Beware !!! Lovelies…I have claws and fangs :I grin)

[For all the lovelies…I am as good as one can get and as bad as one can think…so adieu is the word not au revoir :D ]

So what, I am married !! (read: Now, who said I had to look like one)

[where is the mangal sutra, beta? Jeesss my hubby likes it this way, thankyou :I ]

I am not married (read : I like being your daughter …the in-law term will stay in the papers only/- :D smiles smiles for miles )

[This is for Mummyji & Papaji :) ]

ANU – this one’s for YOU

Yippie, I am married to You…and am loving it :D (read: means just what it seems)

Will power....

----Here is one my myriad musing...something i simply write...not got anything to do with my current state, infact part of it is fiction :P ...hope u enjoy what comes along :) ------

"Ok, so I cant be keeping my dream...umm..can i just, give it a try?...just one last time...Oh, come on, how does that bother you!(says to GOD)...not like i am asking for any special favors"...on and on it goes...the heart has some tantrums to throw before it will reluctantly accept the fact that some things are just not meant to be...

Well...after numerous rounds of begging and consistent pestering...it finally falls to the floor...weeping, yelling, crying foul...it feels abandoned...helpless...and hoped it were dead..."why, why , why is this human being whoever it is...still got the courage to keep me alive and stuck in this cage (ribs)...let me out...and am not staying here...you got no courage to fight for me...so u dont deserve to have me...ok!...just watch!...now i am not going to allow you to emote...that, that is my revenge upon you."

And then the heart behaves like a ruthless maniac and just wouldnt let me feel a thing...and so it remained that way..like an obnoxious cave...it absorbed all my emotions...and there I was, bewildered...what had become of me!!!...Surely something must have gone wrong, i franatically run through all my memories...is there something i missed...umm...please GOD help me...what is it!!...Alas, neither my heart nor my God care enough...uurghhh!!!

I am so tired of this constant struggle...that finally one day..i just accept the fact...i had to live with a merciless heart and an indifferent GOD...I still couldnt believe it was the very ME...hey, i was the hardcore believer of the heart n GOD...uumph...anyway...i cant be pulling along ideas in my head...poor head had been doing overtime...

After ages of the debacle...my family faces a rude blow of fate...and there i was standing amidst it all...and sturdy with a strong shoulder to rest upon...I had surprised myself...

Ok there must have been a reason for all the suffering and GOD's indifference, was it for these times, that he had taken away my heart, my dreams and all that i held so dear...

Oh..i hadnt realised...i was now powerful , really powerful...and then a thought ran thru my head

"Sometimes it is good to give away what is dearest…you are left with nothing to lose!! "

So it is good, at times, to give rest to your WILL POWER and lead your life in HIS WILL...that is when you know you have left no stone unturned...then just let it be...let the heart cry foul..its ok!!!...smile...and the light in our spirit will shine through it all... :)

Chal mere rickshaye !!!

A day in a metro, like Mumbai...could mean loads of things to its innumerable inhabitants...but each ride to office in a rickshaw...leaves me amused and at times petrified......crazy it is!...Mumbai's veins n arteries are perenially slit...with dust and scrap oozing out...but every soul behind the wheel knows how to maneuver around...the rickshaw drivers so skillfully manage to squeeze their way out, between the BEST bus and the bus-stop...only to have an angry horn (read-grunt) being blown at it...they (the rick-drivers) with equal ease, have the meter-key turned at every traffic-jam...without being noticed...ahem!! ofcourse, I happen to let out a little cough just then...divine intervention, it is :P ...and then their paan-masala (Eeuuuuuu) it reaches just where it is meant to...expertise...I would call it!...how else, could you imagine, that, at a speed like that...neither does their rickshaw waver...nor do they themselves landup on the road...(talliyan)...approaching each signal, that's already green...the rick is no less than a dhanno...u grabing, all you can, for your dear life...the next thing that usually happens is, you are smiling to yourself...yessss !!! , just in time,shahbaash!...I mean...You never say it aloud...coz you have to let him know, how much discomfort that caused you...and god-forbid...should your rick not make it... oohh !!! next comes a routine of varied visitors...nimbu-mirchi, enuches (cursing you till u feel the next bad thing that happens is becoz you havent offered her some money), the urchins with flowers (too bad..no takers though...feel sorry for those little kids..but angry at the people behind it all...and then the beggars (OH Jesus!! they have wounds..they would never allow to heal)...
And the torbid passengers, quickly take a sneak peak at the passengers of adjacent vehicles...only to have some unkempt labourer staring back at you...but then there are the nicer times...when a handsome biker stops by at the signal... :P
And the luxury sedans are probably the only nice things to look at...only to be ridden by young drivers...with half-bald old bosses seated at the back seat...(yawn)
I cant help but remember the song "Zara hatke zara bachke..yeh hai Mumbai (bombay) meri jaan !!!"
But all said n doen..i think the rickshaw drivers do a splendid job...Bravo!!

Just ME !!

After years of introspection...toiling , refreshing and renewing beliefs...I am now unwinding...unwinding, to be, who I am really meant to be...why all this knowledge? ...why all the wise words...it did initiate a process, may be...but eventually like every other important journey, that an individual trudges...I have got be alone...there is so much of unloading to do...throwing away all the tall talk...I want to be just me...

Second Chances

Happen to watch Farah Khan’s ‘Tere Mere Beach Mein’ today , where she had been interviewing Shahid Kapoor and Genelia D’Souza and an NDA Graduate, speaking of second chances that life gives.It moved me, as it reminded me, that I too, was here, only because GOD had given me a second chance (in more ways than one).

Second chance at life itself, makes u want to be the best you can be…may be even better…makes you want to raise the bar…to a point, which probably didn’t even exist in your perspective…failures, hurt, accidents, deceptions broaden ones perspective...at the same time it improvises your focus…suddenly you don’t want to be thinking of other irrelevant things…you know how badly u want something…and strive with all the resources and energies available…and you realize that there are many better ways to be doing things…

Second chances made me value my relationships and at the same time give up many associations which had grown and sustained simply cause there was a need…

My renewed relationship with life, has ushered a brand new understanding of me…there are new shades to the person I had known as ME…from being a daughter of lovely parents …I was now an individual with my own set of experiences :) Not only had I started to keep myself company but learnt to enjoy it in silence…

I am growing to enjoy the changes it all brought …here I am …a little more honest to myself…a lot more courageous…
The words are fewer and so are the questions, as silence spans greater than before… and reveals (answers) it all…